Sugar Love: When Life Gives Me Lemons.

I haven’t been writing consistently. Right now, I feel like I’m in a rut. It is partly my depression which is a great companion and brings to my life the addition of medication. It’s also the fact that I am without a job. I have been on four interviews. I don’t think I have been on four interviews in all my life.

It is also due to no job I am being evicted for being one months late on my rent. Thank you to my landlord who I call a wonderful word starting with the letter B. It would have been nice to work through this and owed money. Sometimes life is full of lemons. I think lemons stand for many things such as crummy fair weathered people, people who are black clouds, as well as people who look down on others.

My life is full of those. My shoulder is available for the fair weathered people but when things go wrong they forget you exist. I know one well and she is a constant fair weathered person. I can count on her to forget about me till she wants to tell me how bad her wonderful life is.

Then the black clouds. I have one of those people in my life and he is supposed to be my father. Due to the fact he loaned me money and mind you he did this without my asking. I haven’t been able to pay it back because I just ended a seasonal job. It hasn’t been because I don’t want to.

Though, I am trying. My black cloud father hasn’t been a great dad throughout my childhood. He is as selfish as can be. Forgetting out of all of his children I have cared for him when he returns to the bottle. He is also the biggest reason for my psychiatrist and therapist visits.

He is also the reason I have had issues in my relationships with men. I guess since he helped set my life off in a great direction I have just made us even. I know I am full of positivity (sarcasm). I just feel like I need to express myself and this is probably the worst way but my companion depression is enjoying this. I don’t need lemons in my life.

Next, for the lemons who look down on me. I really would rather be understood as a human going through the worst time in my life. I have lost my car, I am losing my apartment and now I am having trouble getting a job. A little bit of unconditional love would go along way! A little bit of can I help you in any way would be wonderful.

I will probably say no but to know that you see me as a person trying to fix my life would help. Not enough people in society will do that. I guess I will always try  to be a better person because if I can help someone I will. I have a few good apples. They have stood by me and haven’t run away from me.

Thank’s to those good apples I haven’t jumped off the nearest bridge. I owe them my right kidney! Anyway, to those who read this I’m sorry if my writing this ruined your day. Sometimes life is just full of lemons. It’s the apples you need to hold onto.